I read an interesting comment that says, “ Be sure to taste your own words before you spit them out”, and it resonated so deeply with me that I felt compelled to write my blog about it. So when I sat down to have my morning coffee, I scrolled through Facebook and looked at some of the posts that were on my newsfeed, this comment was playing on my mind. And the one thing that struck me in all the comments under the majority of posts, was that most of the feedback to the person who has written the post, is negative and judgmental. Now I do believe that Facebook is not necessarily the place to pour out your heart, and ask for therapy, but neither do I believe that it is the school playground where all the bullies can come out and tear that person down for merely sharing an opinion.
Wherever we go, we are constantly bombarded with the feeling of being sized up and compared.
Sadly, this kind of behaviour isn’t only the domain of Facebook. Social media in general, television, radio, magazines, the newspapers all have their fair share of accountability. Wherever we go, we are constantly bombarded with the feeling of being sized up and compared.
Why is it that everyone needs to judge, to compare, to rival? Why is that we need to have the reassurance of others to feel good about ourselves? Why do we need the clap emoji and “like’s” to feel ok, to feel good enough? Is our sense of self, our self worth and self esteem based on external, outside world validation? The truth is, that for the majority of people, we are so lacking in our own internal felt sense of “I am good enough”, that we fear the judgment of others so deeply. That we look to external sources of positive validation to fill ourselves up with that sense of “I feel good enough”.
The reality is, we are actually wired to judge, to evaluate, to assess. We need to monitor the lay of the land, is it safe, and will I fit in and be accepted. From an evolutionary standpoint, belonging to a tribe ensured our survival. So today, judgement implies that if we are good enough, then we can fit in and belong. When you understand that concept, you realize that we will always be “judged”, humans will always do it and it probably will never change. What can change is your attitude to that judgment. Who is the judge? Why is that person’s assessment of you so important? And what can I do, myself, to make me feel ok, and good enough for me.
Another person’s judgement is merely another person’s opinion, and you have the power of choice – choose to take on their judgement or choose to ignore it. Your reaction is always your choice. Furthermore, when you understand that judging has zero to do with you, but rather with the other person who is doing the judging, you will feel better.
When someone feels insecure, they put others down so that they can feel better about themselves, to boost their own self confidence and self worth.
Perhaps that person feels insecure, not pretty enough, not skilled enough, not clever enough, not loveable etc…. this is that person’s stuff and not yours. It is about that person’s insecurities and not yours.
When someone feels insecure, they put others down so that they can feel better about themselves, to boost their own self confidence and self worth. This has nothing to do with you.
Don’t let the opinion of others be the milestone by which you measure your “enoughness”, it is your life, and you need to live your life feeling good enough, and happy based on your own sense of self worth.